haven't updated in forever..

cause i have a livejournal..i put my actual stuff there..

but i haven't written any songs either..

i've just been working on my guitaring skills...

to do:

write more songs

i went to the beach last night in san diego. its been so long since i did something like that. i can't even remember the last moment i was able to look out at the world with its beauty and just.. look at everything. i looked up at the stars and i was reminded of all those nights i used to spend staring at the stars. i had forgotten how beautiful they were and how calm they make me feel. i used to tell myself...if i was ever feeling down..just look up at the sky..and remember how big our world is.. lately i've been stressing out lately with school and everything..it made me feel better being at the beach that night.. i saw the moon.. the twinkling stars..the colorful stars.. the crashing waves.. the jagged rocks...the sand that was like clay.... i remembered how i always asked santa for a telescope when christmas came.. i remembered how i used to just listen to the waves with my eyes closed.. never wanting to forget how peaceful it made me feel.. i remembered a lot that night.. and i hope to never forget again.. i kind of felt alone there that night.. but.. it was okay.. i wanted so bad to hold somebody.. someone to know how i felt that night.. i didn't want to feel alone, but looking at the big sky, i did. i know i tell people sometimes it feels good when i feel lonely.. but.. sometimes i do get tired of it. oh well. ill live.. well my friend "lame" was with me that night.. we sang on the shore.. wow.. remember? one of my goals..to sing in nature.. i finally did it. even though i sucked and lame's singing rocked, it still made me feel good inside. one day i'll bring my guitar..and just jam. thats another goal..i need to set some goals.. i need to live more.

some goals::

master "Without You/Can U Help Me" on piano
jam on beach with guitar
violin

hm i can't think of anymore..
maybe its cause i'm turning 21 :)
*dance*

you tell me you will never find the right guy. you will always be alone. you say you arent good enough for anyone.. well, i know you don't read this. you don't even know this place exists. but i want you to at least see what i see.

i see a beautiful heart. a beautiful mind. a beautiful soul. a beautiful smile. a beautiful voice. a beautiful laugh. a beautiful face. a beautiful body. you are just beautiful.

today i found out..i'm just not good enough for you..i can't be the one you want me to. the dream you have of what you need..isn't what you get when you see me. you have so many things you seem to wish for, but if i had you, i know i wouldn't want more. i wish you saw me the way you see him. the way he always seems to equal perfection. you say you wish one day he could notice you, but you don't realize i wish the same about you too. if i tried to tell you i think i would cry, because i would come to the realization that i can't be your guy. i'll sit here silent and hope and just pray, that these feelings i have will eventually fade away.

personal memo before i forget:

"And then my world comes crashing down"
-start with lower G and A then jump to high D.. F is sharp
bass side: play G then F sharp then C then D

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